• freagle@lemmy.ml
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      1 month ago

      Voter: That guy’s got a knife and he’s coming for me! What do I do?

      D: Vote for me and I’ll keep you safe!

      Voter: OK! Here I go… let’s… voooooooote!

      D: I win the election, thanks to everyone who donated to my campaign. This is a win for all of us, not just me.

      Voter: Ok, now take that guy’s knife away.

      D: <slaps voter> How dare you criticize me after my very tenuous and delicate victory!

      Voter: But he still has the knife and he’s still coming for me.

      D: Donate $25 to my campaign for re-election and we’ll stop the knife wielding maniacs!

      Voter: But you won already. Are you going to stop the knife wielding maniacs?

      D: We can’t unless you vote D in the next election.

      Voter: But I voted D in this one, and you won, and he still has a knife

      R: Haha! I have won the next election. Here I come with my knife that no one took from me!

      D: How would we have lost?! It must be the voters’ fault! Donate $25 to my campaign and we’ll send out weird postcards saying that we’ll know if you voted or not

      Voter: Well, getting slapped is not as bad as getting stabbed!