Don’t forget to make the tips touch

So glad I wasn’t the only one

But it isn’t private though?

Gonna start a conversation with my spouse with “you didn’t hear a word I just said, did you?” when I didn’t actually say anything before that

I get the feeling Dolly would like these jokes

Arm only the children!

Username tracks

“Hold my beer. YEET!”

This was a lot funnier if you were there and witnessed what he did. Written language can’t do it any justice. Just imagine the most badass thing a human can do, then imagine if he had a fist-sized rock in each hand while he did it, then imagine him tripping over his tunic right before the final flip.

So this is how I had to find out it was cancer‽

Yeah. It’s much classier to shit one’s pants in the backseat of a total stranger’s car. 💩👖

Perhaps that’s why they scream at random? 🤔🐲

Safely contained under the tat. Safely contained under the tat. Planet earth. Married. Yes. Yes.

Gonna send this to everyone on my snapchat

I’m a dragon so I can say with 9001% confidence in my knowledge that, yes, those toys will most definitely be much more valuable because of that

Any insult towards him is disrespectful towards anyone else that can also fit that insult

Dude was his plug

Buckled on jazz cabbage

That’s me rn. Not figuratively either, but literally. And no, I will not be providing any proof of this. Just take my word for it.

YOINK

Tell us you want this planet to burn without telling us you want this planet to burn

Oh thank the gods! I last played the Sims 4 as a best-selling author. Before that was Kills-your-ass, my argonian assassin from Skyrim, who’s quirk is she can’t help but pick fights with giants, so she died a lot.