This is not a SFW instance. NSFW communities will be tagged, and efforts will be made to keep SFW communities clean, but proceed at your own comfort level.
He turned water into wine by pressing it with his massive swole thighs.
And he blessed the fish and loaves with his swole biceps and lo, they did turn into pure whey protein powder.
And Lazarus did die, but then Jesus bench pressed the death out of him so hard he came back to life.
And he could walk on water because he punched a wave so hard the ocean was scared of him forever and kept him from sinking.
And the giant boulder in front of his tomb? He wasn’t dead and buried, that was his exercise boulder and he just sat it down to have a power nap before lifting the mountain by himself.
He turned water into wine by pressing it with his massive swole thighs.
And he blessed the fish and loaves with his swole biceps and lo, they did turn into pure whey protein powder.
And Lazarus did die, but then Jesus bench pressed the death out of him so hard he came back to life.
And he could walk on water because he punched a wave so hard the ocean was scared of him forever and kept him from sinking.
And the giant boulder in front of his tomb? He wasn’t dead and buried, that was his exercise boulder and he just sat it down to have a power nap before lifting the mountain by himself.
they say the spear grew three sizes that day they stabbed it into him