Well dads are usually more negatively perceived than the mothers. My dad beat me as a child (+ other physical abuse(irrelevant)) and is considered by people who I’ve spoken to to be a terrible person unlike my mom (probably also because autism moms are apparently great and definitely not abusive). But I trust him was more than my mother who often manipulated us and treated me in a condescending and derogatory way.
Dads aren’t worse than moms, they are more often physically abusive which can’t be refuted and rationalized by social services and other authorities.
Yes, but also emotional manipulation has a much lower likelihood of putting you in the hospital. Not zero, but much lower.
Social services effectively cares about getting kids to adulthood. Physical violence is the bigger obstacle to achieving that goal.
Depends on the country maybe?
Children have the right to care, security, and a good upbringing. Children shall be treated with respect for their person and individuality and shall not be subjected to corporal punishment or other abusive treatment
is the law of parenting in Sweden
In all matters concerning children, the child’s best interests must be the primary consideration. When assessing the child’s best interests, the child’s views must be taken into account. If a decision or other measure concerns care or treatment for a child, the child’s best interests must be the deciding factor
regarding what social services are bound by law to do
Hitting your children is legal in all 50 United States.
https://legallyexplained.com/is-it-legal-to-spank-your-child-in-the-us/
My parents will never face justice for hitting my brothers and I. Abuse is legal and normalized here.
Yes, it’s insane. I know it’s legal to hit your children i other parts of Europe as well, like France. Just not “too much or too hard” because that would be assault…
Sweden abolished corporal punishment in schools 1958 and at home 1979(!)
i was beat regularly with belt and hangers. They did it while I was kneeling on concrete so every hit dug into it my knees. My knees are still scared from it. I got hit so often by so many ppl that it lost effect so they called me “iron butt” in the old language. I was more annoyed by waiting for it be over than the pain itself.
Crazy part is I actually had it good. My class mates had it way worse. Apparently they got hit with small whips and one with an extension cord if I over heard correctly.
I think about it all the time if the pain did anything to correct my behavior. I dont really think it did. It did however teach me that pain is temporary.
Right along with the “all mothers are just trying their best so any damage they did is forgivable once you learn their story”, trope.
Disagree. It’s just overused and poorly handled. If the story addresses the reasons why the child is neglected such as the father desperately trying to save his son or the future then it can make a good tragedy. Or, if the father was lost in his own work and probably shouldn’t have had his child but that work consumed him then it can be fine as long as it’s not framed as a good thing or that the child must forgive him for seemingly no reason.
The problem is media that screws this trope up and still expects you to forgive the father in the end. Oftentimes writers fail to address why the child couldn’t just join as bonding, or the father is not doing something that important, or the father is just straight up a terrible person and then the writers expect you to turn around and forgive him.
Otherwise it’s a great way to give the child character a prolific character to chase that they themselves don’t know, or create a character torn between two worlds for better and for worse, or create a deadbeat dad character that may or may not be redeemable.
I definitely feel this.
My dad felt distant and uninterested, when I was a kid. It’s only with time and experience, as a father myself, that I understand him. He wasn’t distant, he was stretched thin, exhausted. He kept the ground under me stable, and the skies above clear. All the while, his foundations were crumbling at the edges and fire rained down on us from above. He was both a shield and a foundation to me, and he never once complained about it. I rarely saw a hint of the strain he was under. I took and took, and complained when he didn’t have more.
The foundation he gave me made me stronger. As a father, the ground I can offer is more solid. The skies shielded more, all standing on the foundation he clawed together. My hope is my child doesn’t understand this till they approach adulthood either. I just need to give even more of myself into giving them the emotional support they need too. My child takes and takes, and I give happily. I fill their life with love and happiness the best I can, almost irrelevant of the cost to me.
It stretches me thin too, but that’s the job I agreed too. I can easily see how other dads can mess it up. Even from a place of love.
Sorry, I might have gotten a bit more emotional than intended.
Damn. I’m not a parent, and didn’t have the same experience with mine, but I felt the weight of your forgiveness reading this. Of your dad. Of yourself.
I suspect you’re a great parent. Just remember to put on your own oxygen mask first. (Maybe not relevant, just a hunch.)
Oh I know to look after myself. You can’t fill a cup from an empty pot. My partner sometimes forgets that though.
One plus side of being a parent. I now understand that, even though I was a little selfish shit at times, he loved me and so took the burden happily.
My minion can be demanding too, but it just makes me happy that I can make their world as good as possible. The point they understand the burden they cause, is the point they also give up childhood. I aim to put that off as long as possible. I will keep their sky blue and full of eternal sunshine for as long as I can.
And to clarify, I’m not coddling them. By the time they need to face the world, I’ll hopefully have them trained to the point the world will fear their coming!