A tumblr post by
@ironmanstan
headcanon: since meeting ant man, no one dares to fuck with spider man cause they think he can control spiders and fuck that tbh. he defeats villains by threatening to order spiders to infest their house, his success rate is 100%, new york is crime-free in less than a month,
@ironmanstan
antman:
villain: what you going to do huh? steal my picnic food? lmao let me get the magnifying glass
spiderman:
villain:
villain: ill just turn myself in,
I mean, this wound up being Skitter’s whole shtick in Worm, didn’t it? I think it’d be funny if they made Taylor an official parallel univers spider woman. Arthropod woman?
Her powers were awesomely creepy. The “bug teleporting” trick, she didn’t realise she was doing, particularly.
For those who don’t know: Worm is a complete web serial about characters with superpowers, but I think even people who don’t usually like stories about superheroes may like some of it.
Same with Jubilee. What you gonna do, set off fireworks outside my bedroom all day and night…? Hmm. Touche
Noone enjoys the 130 decibel booms measured at pillow
Everyone needs a bosom for a pillow, mine’s at the 130db level
Huh
I feel like I might be able to reason with a spider (however remote that possibility might be). At least predators have at least a little ability to reason. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll decide that I’m more trouble than I’m worth. Spiders also seem unlikely to team up. You’re maybe dealing with a couple competing to win Spider-Man’s favor, but I’d not expect them to cooperate.
On the other hand, dealing with ants would be like fighting a fast unreasoning zombie horde, a literal flood of nashing venomous mandibles and with a singular, laser focused, drive to do violence. All they know is violence to achieve their queen’s (Antman’s) goal at any cost to any particular individual. That is MUCH scarier to me.
If you think about it, without Peter inventing web fluid, there is nothing spider-like about his powers.
He has the strength, agility, wall-climbing and precognitive powers of a spider. Tho the spidersense is kind of a stretch; real spiders just have super sensitive hairs that can detect movement in atmosphere. Spidey just has… telepathic warning signals? 🤷♂️
He has a strange “tingling” feeling, before shooting his web.
No one tell him.
Turns out Spider-Man’s powers are just an allegory for puberty.
Spiders aren’t particularly strong and only ambushing spiders are agile, and most arthropods have those hairs. Where are the spidermen with the ability to jump 50x body length or covered in hairs that break off and cause the worst iching attack known to man?
i think NYC got more infested with crime with spiderman, and avengers around. mostly because the villians would go to new york and cause havoc.